A Letter from the CEO of Netflix, Reed Hastings (Actually, a Parody. But Whatever)

I messed up. And I owe you an apology.

It is clear from the feedback over the past two months that many members felt we lacked respect and humility in the way we announced the separation of DVD and streaming and the price changes.  So let me explain why we did those actions.

For money!

No, but seriously, here’s a longer explanation: For more money!

Ok, really.  Many members love our DVD service, as I do. DVD is a great option for those who want the huge and comprehensive selection of movies.

Well, tough. All that’s over, grandpa.  

As we make the transition to streaming, we have been brainstorming how we can make the DVD by mail as horrible as possible. So we raised prices. And a lot of you cancelled your DVD by mail service. That was awesome. But then some people still wanted it.

So then we have a new brainstorm—keep the DVD by mail service, but give it a moronic name. And so, from now on, our mail service will be called Quixter. I know what you’re saying: Who wants to rent from a place called Quixter.  Just saying it makes me feel stupid. We had a bunch of alternate names: Quixtarded, Quixturd, and, of course Aginghipster. But nothing said, “Please don’t use me,” like Quixter. It combines the spectre of doomed sites like Friendster and Napster with the glamour of the local Kwik-i-Mart.

So, friends, looks like you’re stuck with streaming. Our streaming service —or as it’s now known, Netflix—is great, because it offers a wide variety of films, some that were even produced in this decade.

Both the Qwikster and Netflix teams will work hard to regain your trust, and provide you with the high level of service that you expect from your local cable company. And really, what are you going to do? Go to Blockbuster? Good luck! We drove ‘em out of business! Who would have thought people would be nostalgic for those guys?

In closing, I want to apologize again to those members, both current and former, who felt we treated them thoughtlessly.

Let me just say, you aint seen nothing yet.

Reed Hastings

CEO, Netflix

P.S. Sorry if you don’t like these changes. But we can get into that in my next apology letter.